Leilani (Margaret)

13th of Firstmoon I keep forgetting things. I need to write it all down, I can’t forget any more. Mission board today: - Follow up on letters to Lakeshore from abroad - > Join ritual to repair Karikiri Leytap - > Karikiri reports many villagers with tiredness, low mana - > Intercept Colorwoods band headed for Karikiri - >> Search for ingredients for Valen’s research - >>> Scouts from camp go missing, search and rescue - >>> Collection of strangers sighted in the mid-savanna - >>> Clear and map Shards to the North - Other! (later written by Gideon(?): Hunt Elementals) First inn was with Xitli, we got sent letters from Belmouth in Belast, the Weyrwoods, and someone wrote to Obb, I’m not sure who. Like I said, my brain isn’t working quite right. I don’t know… The gist of it is that the arcs are not only affecting us and the nearby places, but everywhere. The Weyrwoods wrote to us to say that there is an island in the middle of a lake that is “stopping global doom”, and if it breaks the entire world will be covered with crystalline dust and burned to death. Thanks for adding to my nightmares guys. They are asking for help, but I don’t know what we could even do… We think they must be talking about the White Lake, which flows down to the Shimmerglass Sea, so anything bad that happens there will surely flow downstream to us. The other letter, from Belmouth, (I hate these “Bel” names they are so confusing) started like this. THE HALHARS ARE GOING TO IMPLODE!!! Not a very nice way to start a letter. They said that the arcs are affecting them too, altering their landscapes, adding lava pools, and they mentioned that they think the leyline will move at any moment? They said their “crystalarium” is still on a leyline, but it “may move at any moment.” I think the crystalarium must be where they get crystalline from? Or get it charged? I’m just guessing here. They also said that trees are coming alive and using sharp woody carrots as weapons, and later Coppers told us a story about “the walking crops” and that sounds kind of similar and I’m afraid, things are getting too complicated, I just want things to be okay again. Sorry, I’m getting carried away. Who am I even apologizing to? Gods what is wrong with me… They said there is a monster in Silverstone-Well, or they heard of one, and there are giants fighting cyclopes and the cyclopes are only ever in the Halhars but they came down to warn them about the Halhars imploding and they are seeking shelter. Belmouth says that they know there is something they can do, but they don’t know what it is. Belmorn is trying to build a ring road and came through Belast and Eldar without asking, and they might attack. Belast is asking us to ally with them and be prepared in case Belmorn aggresses. Okay I think I remembered all of that right, I hope so. We decided to do a mission before we tied to respond to the letters, and decided on intercepting the Colorwoods band heading for Karikiri. I didn’t go on this one, but I think it went well. The next inn was with Valen, I think. The pattern of weird things happening up North is continuing, maybe it’s related to the Halhars and White Lake. We ended up deciding to try and combine two missions with splitting up into two groups, looking for the missing scouts while we went to find strangers in the savanna. The strangers in the savanna were WEIRD. There’s a new person in the party, his name is Ishamael. I think he must have many spirits in his body, past lives, or something. He doesn’t know what year it is sometimes, and he says things and then takes them back a few minutes later, and is generally erratic. He was killing our party on the ground during the fight with the Colorwoods, and later he said that “tree of life worshippers are a cult and should be killed”. Needless to say, Ptolomae tried to stun him pretty quick, but he didn’t take it. I think he’s a Ku elf. We knocked him out though. Once we got him back up, he didn’t remember saying what he had said. We met some giant wasps on the way to the strangers, one of them killed me. I didn’t like them at all. There was trouble resurrecting us because the wasps kept coming and interrupting it. Once we all got resurrected and away from the wasps, I had a… fight. I guess. With Calix. He kept blaming Beau for things he shouldn’t have, it’s the mineshaft thing all over again. No matter how many times I remind people that we ALL paid our mana into the fireball, they just LOVE to blame Beau. I don’t understand how people can be so stupid, can’t they see he can’t take it? Gods it makes me so mad, they only care about themselves. I’m sorry that’s not true, I’m just upset. I would erase that if I could, but this is ink. Maybe it’s better that I can’t, I’ll be reminded of what I’ve done wrong. How not to be. I pulled Calix aside because I didn’t want Beau to get involved, and he just kept saying that he wasn’t sorry and that it was Beau’s fault and I… lost my head a little bit. I tried to fight him, but Aeliana ran over and pushed us apart. I think she cut herself on Calix’s sword. I feel bad. Calix is not himself right now, I think Aeliana is going to have him scryed or something. I’m still a little mad, if I’m honest with myself, but I’m trying not to let it get to me. Beau came over once we started fighting, and just kept saying over and over how it was his fault, and blaming himself, and I can see that he’s close to his breaking point. I don’t know how to help him, he refuses to let me take on his burdens, and now I can’t even talk to him because it will just add another knife in his back. We just got word that mom and dad take the kids with them when they are adventuring. I feel like I’m going to throw up just writing it. Oh gods… Now Beau wants to adopt all six of us and completely cut ties with mom and dad, and I can’t blame him, I don’t ever want to have to see them again, I think I might die on the spot if I did. I can’t bear the thought of Beau being responsible for all of us. Maybe he’ll let me stay un-adopted, or I can adopt the littles too. I’m clinging onto my seven color bracelet for dear life. I keep forgetting things, and I’m so afraid of forgetting their little faces. I chant it to myself as much as I can, and count the beads. Purple, Luna, blue, Reed, turquoise, Camila, green, Maru, brown, Riga, yellow, Leilani, red, Beau. Purple, Luna, blue, Reed, turquoise, Camila, green, Maru, brown, Riga, yellow, Leilani, red, Beau. Purple, Luna, blue, Reed, turquoise, Camila, green, Maru, brown, Riga, yellow, Leilani, red, Beau…. I can’t forget. But back to my writing. When we got to the strangers… something was very off. People are saying they think it might be a mind scape bleeding thing? There was a giant mouth, a bunch of hands, some kind of demon thing, a bunch of tentacles, a ball of electricity, and a bunch of other weird things. And a bunch of effects were put on us, we all got charmed at some point, we were unable to lose or gain mana for a bit, and other things. I tried to make friends with the mouth, it mentioned my jewelry and I gave it a necklace. The demon thing talked to us, and it was asking questions… later it dueled me. That was incredibly terrifying, it happened when I wasn’t paying attention and then I was stuck. Beau was screaming at me to down myself but I couldn’t just stab myself to death that easily, and I felt frozen. I eventually managed it, and I think Beau must have carried me out. That demon thing must be preying on people’s fears, I think that’s what Beau said, and it had been talking to hi. We went back to town after that. The other group found the scouts, but they were in bad shape. They are completely catatonic, they don’t seem to be… there. Like the body is there but nothing inside. They are still alive though, and they can move, but not much. I don’t like it. I don’t want to lose my mind. We decided to fix the leytap, and it was about the same as last time. We unwove the mana after a few tries, but we had to do it silently. Mute. We unwove one time, but then a few people went down and broke the circle. We did it again, unwove, and lasted until the others were done. We walked in a circle, partly because it made it a little harder for us to be hit by things, but also I hope it helped with the magic. Then, like before, we started gaining mana, first slowly, then quicker and quicker until it was over. It was close to a hundred, I think. I paid it all to the tree of life, and nobody got hurt too bad. We all got mana rash, I have moderately bad of all colors. Not pleasant, but I think we’re all getting more used to it. Now. Earlier in the day, Coppers scryed me. It brought something up. I was there, I was there and I forgot. Entirely. The whole thing, gone. Two full weeks, just disappeared, fabricated, fake. And then the last year, all fake. I trusted mom and dad. I don’t even feel like I can call them that any more. They don’t deserve it. This is not what parents are supposed to do. Right? I should have known about Beau, I should have remembered. My hands won’t stop shaking, and I feel sick. Every time I’m still, I’m rocking on the waves, and every time I close my eyes, I’m there. I can’t sleep. I’ve tried, it doesn’t work, my body won’t let me. I feel like a child, I don’t know what to do. I can’t tell Beau, he can’t handle it. If I forgot that, what else have I forgotten? What will I forget? How can I trust my own mind?