Calix (Alyssa)

"There’s so much we don’t know. Why do spells work the way they do? The most important step of casting is gathering mana, that’s how the new mana meditation works. I just don’t understand it. Why isn’t the intent more important? Gods what am I missing? There has to be something. I guess I start at the beginning. I know gathering mana is where my wilderness healing and mana meditation work. Before the intent step. I haven’t tested it but I think other casting requires more focus on the intent. What I know about sorcery indicates that it’s almost completely about intent. What’s different about mana meditation and healing? The healing is passive, but I need to focus on the meditation. Maybe because the focus is keeping the mana away? None of it makes sense. I wish - well I wish Aeliana was here but she’s asleep. Goddamn it all, everyone’s asleep. What about the manarash? What does manarash tell us about mana? We know it’s caused by being exposed to too much mana of one color, but why? It’s not the excess of mana left inside us because trying to expel it just spends a mana and doesn’t help the rash. We know the people at the green shard mutated and those didn’t go away after the rash was gone. So mana can permanently change people. What does that mean? There were the mutations and then the changes from when we went to the manascape. Mutations ranging from helpful to painful. If we died in the manascape we got vulnerable to magic. If they didn’t they gained mana but got stabbed more easily. What does it mean? What does it tell us? Think, come on, I know this. Getting exposed to too much mana on this scape gives us manarash but dying up there just makes us vulnerable. Except manarash *does* make you vulnerable to magic of that color. But the vulnerable didn’t give us the other symptoms of rash. So what’s different? People talk about people having their own personal scapes right? I think someone who knows magic said something about that. So what if being on the manascape means our manascapes were fucked with instead of our landscapes. That would make sense. Okay okay what else. Aeliana said my teeth look filed, not natural. That means it’s not some kind of mutation but it was done on purpose. So maybe the color woods? Why did Zet have to die? I could have talked to him about this. I wonder if the color woods people are still here I should check. It would make sense, I like fighting more now. That’s not very lakeshore but it is pretty color woods. Which begs the question of how much experiences we don’t remember effect us. Again that’s a question for Zet. Things I’ve figured out What scape you’re in affects what scape of yours gets fucked with by too much mana. So in the manascape our manascapes got screwed but when we’re here on the landscape our bodies get fucked. I might have spent time in the color woods during the time I was lost. "